Yesterday I realised I am not an optimist
I was at a job interview yesterday and the conversation was going openly and honestly. The way in which I like to have all my conversations. I personally don’t panic before meetings like that, because I don’t see a reason to. What’s the problem with just being myself and showing exactly who I am – a positive, down to earth, smiling person? At the end of the day I am sure that it is better for the person opposite me to see my true self and not like me than for them to fall in love with someone made-up and over-the-top just so in a few months everything can fall apart because whatever happens, I would always be only myself, even if I tried to kid myself and those around me.
I am not bothered to say exactly that to the person in front of me. Part of the conversation yesterday went something like that:
“Are you stubborn?”
“Yeah, you could probably say that.”
“But is that annoying stubborn or confident stubborn?”
“Well… I wouldn’t say I am annoying. I am a down-to-earth person and I don’t like creating over-the-top situations. Things are as they should be. So I am more confident stubborn!”
“Then you are a realist, not an optimist…”
At this point, I needed a few moments to get my thoughts together as that shocked me.
“I have always introduced myself as an optimist, but maybe you are right – I am a realist; a positive realist, but a realist nevertheless!”
“So you are a glass-half-full person.”
This two-minute dialogue would not leave my head. How haven’t I realised that before? Why have I always considered myself an optimist when it’s more than clear I am much more of a realist? Especially with ideas in my life like minimalism and veganism, how have I not understood that earlier? I have open conversation, don’t put makeup on, my hair is natural, don’t bring a book on a holiday when I know I won’t open it, my NY resolution wasn’t 365 days of yoga, I don’t fight with Nic over the constant pile of clothes by the bed, I don’t have unnecessary processions, I am not worried about Brexit as I have no control over the final result and I don’t expect someone to start reading this blog any time soon (hahaha).
I think that this realisation has one big effect on my life – control over my emotions. Even though it was only yesterday I put the “realist label” on myself my emotional state has been different for a long time. Of course, I am not saying I am not emotional. Quite the opposite! I am probably more emotional than when I was 13, crying daily because my brother won’t put his things away and the room was always a mess. But now my emotions are focused on the things that I should be excited or worried about. Everything else just happens because it’s supposed to happen!
I am okay with that. Because maybe self-discovery is a complicated and infinite process, but I am now one step forward. Exactly because of my realism, I can open my eyes and soul and accept that. Being an optimist sounds better than being a realist. But life doesn’t go according to what sounds better and for me, it is more important to just take things as they are. And when that happens then I can freely worry about the things that aren’t that good and should now be discovered and changed.
This is more of a ”Dear Diary” style blog than anything useful for the reader. However, I can assume that the lesson from my realisation is “Accept yourself as you are!“. But that is more of a complicated task than useful life advice. There are still many things that I need to understand and accept about myself, but I feel closer to myself with this new information.
“My name is Vassya and I am a realist!”