A while ago Mayim Bialik uploaded a video on YouTube “I Have Regrets!”. I couldn’t help but feel something in that moment because I take life regrets very seriously. In the last few years I have been saying I don’t regret anything. Maybe I am not right, because for my 23 years I don’t understand anything about life and the moments people go through, and for sure I can’t say that I have the answers to life. However, I can’t help but think that what I am going to share is a small solution of sorts.
Let’s put “regrets” in perspective. To “have regrets for moment of life” is actually to tell off a younger Vassya for the decisions she made a long time ago. Meanwhile, instead of trying to stay on good terms with that Vassya, I am trying my best to rub it in her nose and make sure she never wants to appear in front of me again. What if that wasn’t my own identity but Nic, for example… Would I speak to him like that? Would I do everything possible to never see him again for something that happened years ago? Or will I just think of a way for us to move forward together to fix the situation and keep the good memories.
It will most likely be the second because human interactions are one of the most important things that we have as intelligent, sentient beings. Maybe the only thing more important is the relationship with our own selves. In order to help the future Vassya to deal with the decisions of the current Vassya, I have something of a formula for a life with no regrets, which consists of two elements – my heart and my mind.
First is the role of my heart. No big decision in my life is made without first listening to my heart. You know those situations when you are stuck between two options and your heart is racing because you can’t make a decision but it’s impossible to know which one is the right one. In those situations I stop and truly listen while I mentally go through those options. If I listen very carefully I can clearly hear when my heart slows down with one of the options and speeds up with the other. And then the right decision is clear to me – my soul feels calm and happy which means that it’s the right decision without a doubt.
Later on, when I can start doubting whether that decisions was right, my mind comes in saying the following: “In that moment this is what your heart chose! In that moment that was the right decision! Regardless of where you are now, as back then that decision was the best decision you could have made!” And let’s be honest, can we actually argue with our own mind?
There is also another, more external factor – a serious dose of reality. What exactly will change when I regret past decisions? There is nothing wrong with them being something I learn from, a basis for future situations, but absolutely nothing would change if I decide to beat myself up for a certain decision I made years ago. Yes, I did make that decision and as I said that is what my heart wanted. But now is the time to toughen up and take that time to decide which the right decision for the current situation is as everything else is water under the bridge.
And that is it! This is my way for making sure I don’t regret moments of my life. After all it is my life and if I start questioning it I will lose control. It is normal to doubt the decisions of our younger selves, but there is no point in telling them off! I would rather work with them and to keep our good relations because my life is built by all Vassyas and I am a team player!